a prayer for restoration.

I can see broken rubble all around. Walls are half-way standing, half-way crumbling. Windows are shattered to pieces too many to pick off the ground. The sky is gloomy and a cold wind is blowing. We have let it go for too long in the power of our own hands. Patch up jobs and quick-fixes can't withstand a hurricane. We tried to take a set of perfect plans and create it on our own. Why did we try and work our way around the codes and plans set out from the beginning?

Have we made too many mistakes? Made too many wrong decesions? We are tired and weary.

God give us strength... Strength and the ability to love just as You love us. Give us rest in you and peace in knowing that you are bigger than the storms that come our way. Though we are two imperfect people trying to follow a set of perfect plans, God we know that it is in you and through you that something brought down to rubble can be restored to a beautiful and victorious temple. Only by You. Let us learn to put each other first and not live selfishly. Heavenly father, we know you will take care of our needs. Help me to see him through your loving eyes, Lord. To see all the wonderful things you created in him so that I may know his heart. You demonstrate your love for us by giving every thing you had to bring us back to you. I pray that we are reminded of that beautiful example of love you have laid out for us. Thank you for the opportunity to be a part of something so amazing. You are mighty to save, Lord. Your love is limitless, your grace is endless, your mercies are renewed every single day. We are the anti-thesis of love and all things glorious, but by You, we are restored. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for never giving up.

Amen!

Beth Moore-Mean Girls

maybe it's maybelline

Phew, this has been an interesting couple of months for me. On the outside, everything has been going extraordinary! I have been doing well in school, loving my patients at the hisoutal, the beginnings of wedding planning, God has been supplying me with funds to allow me to focus on school and not go insane from working all the time....BUT...I have been in a funk that I cannot seem to describe without words like depression, insecurity, etc. I have felt overwhelmed and extremely low the last couple months. I have had constant thoughts and feelings like my personality or looks or activities are inadequate to keep the attention of my friends, family, and even fiance. Going against my convictions of seeking beauty on the inside, I have found myself searching for ways to improve my looks in subconscious efforts to acquire that attention from others I felt I was not getting. Monthly tanning membership, excessively coloring my hair, a little more makeup, shopping a little more...all things perfectly fine until I figured out WHY I was resorting to these things to make me feel like I was worth something. Then this little christian girl, who used to be so passionate about being valued by God vs. men had an even stronger conviction of hypocrisy.

Silly, right!? Looking back, I was like a kid on the playground stomping her feet and pouting because no one wanted to play with her!

This attitude of inadequacy and the feelings of rejection lead me to push some people away and practically beg others in my life to curb that hunger for attention in my heart. Crying myself to sleep, barely smiling, and entirely void of happiness most of the time...I self diagnosed myself with situational depression. I am sure I tried to hide it but the people closest to me surely could tell that something about me was different.

Anyway...sunday morning was kind of the breaking point for me. I had been pushing God away, ignoring that whisper to confide in Him. Pushing away that hand He lovingly held out to me for months. Then, Pastor steve spoke about how we use emotional walls to keep God out and from keeping us from living the lives of contentment and joy that He so desperately wants for us. God is our heavenly father and so wants to see His children live WHOLE lives. I felt compelled to ask for prayer, so God practically held my hands down the aisle and susan prayed so graciously and beautifully over me, commanding that the devil flee from my mind and my heart and that he has no right to control my emotions any more.

The past couple days, I have been personally challenged to cut the time it normally takes me to get ready in half-using the remainder that I would normally spend on trying to beautify my outsides on letting God beautify my insides! Spending time with One so gracious and loving, who knows my heart, who loves to spend intimate time with ME and show me the glorious truths about Himself...now THAT is a way to prepare yourself for the day! I have noticed a huge change and when I think about the change God has made in my heart and mind, it just makes me smile =)

If you can relate to me on this issue in any way, be encouraged! God loves you and created you the way you are for a reason and for a purpose and He admires you the way you are! He loves you too much to let you think otherwise! It is good to be near God.

If you are reading this, please pray for me. I need it!

thank you taylor.

1 peter

I know that a gentle and
quiet spirit is what You desire,




but...

I don't seem to know how to be gentle

and

I feel like screaming.

rambling update.

Sooo...it's been quite an eventful month! Since the last time I posted, I've become engaged to marry my favorite person this side of heaven. He asked me on Christmas eve and I [obviously] said YES! I am so excited and feel incredibly blessed that God has this in store for my life =)


I'm excited to be an almost wife, excited to be with bryant for the rest of my days on this earth, excited to plan a wedding and all the diy projects to come [details coming soon], excited that I am working with little kids again, excited that I passed one more semester of nursing school...excited that I will be 22 in 2 weeks! Frankly, I am just excited about life and the fact that it is happening in me and around me. I feel like I am slowly, but surely growing into the person God wants me to be. I see His gracious reminders everyday of the forgiveness He offers and the strength of His almighty & limitless love for me and His children. I am excited about that too!!!


I should be getting back my reading for class, so...more soon, I promise!

Emmanuel