new leaf

So, I am known to "turn over a new leaf" quite often. I like to make big changes, abrupt changes...I think it's partly because I am a drama queen, partly my procrastination which forces me to make hasty, impulsive decisions based on my FEELINGS rather than logic or some supported reason (which is another leaf I intend to intently examine and maybe even turn over someday). However, I feel as though God placed an epiphany in my head in the past couple weeks and I am not quite sure how to label it..but I am pretty sure the tugging at my heart and urging of my spirit is to really search for and want to discover who I am by the One who created me.

I am extremely reliant on others' perception of who I am and what I should be. I am flaky when it comes to what my viewpoints and opinions are because they usually are different depending on the people I am around. I can feel extremely strong about something and then change my mind 5 minutes later because someone looked at me funny when I voiced my view. I am extremely easily swayed. Thus, I often regret my decisions because I made them in haste as to not feel rejected by my surroundings instead of being true to ME.

I know that people are always changing and THANK GOD for that! I just have become interested in taking that energy I usually spend on trying to get others to approve of me and direct it to please the eyes of God by being exactly the girl He created me to be. "The glory of God is man fully alive!"

This decision includes but is not limited to giving up my facebook addiction as I found it only enlarges my hunger for getting attention from people and often causes me to waste time instead of studying for my next health assessment exam, etc. Why do I care so much about what people comment on my status or what they say on my wall? It sounds incredibly lame as I sit here and type it in plain english to think that I try and put together this "page" of what I want everyone to see about me and change it, hoping they will react positively...as if their comments should make or break who I am.

Thus, I will be taking this semester OFF of facebook and ON to looking into God's face to try and gain perspective of who He sees me as. I will also be intensely studying as to kick butt in nursing school because I really feel like that is a part of me I know God has shown me.

I want to like...maybe even love the Kristen that God made. I am fearfully and wonderfully made--not timidly and cheaply put together to seek my value in the people I surround myself with. My value and treasure is in God. He made me for Him.

I'm picking up the leaf, holding it up to the light, viewing it for the beautiful leaf it was made to be: spots, holes, array of colors, fragrance and all! I don't know exactly all the purposes of leaves but I don't want it to be lost in the pile and raked up before it's purpose is realized! They fall and are picked back up again for a reason.

quick quote

I just found an extremely relevant quote to what's going on in MY life right now...I'm going to be dwelling on this for a couple days, just thought I'd share in the meantime:


“If Jesus gives us a task or assigns us to a difficult season, every ounce of our experience is meant for our instruction and completion if only we'll let Him finish the work. I fear, however, that we are so attention-deficit that we settle for bearable when beauty is just around the corner."
-Beth Moore